Alright. Finally got a bit of time to blog. It's 2.10am now, and I'm waiting for the Brazil vs France match to start. Well, I'm not guilty to say that I'm addicted to the soccer matches in the world cup for the past week, and thus blogged less and less. Oh well, there's always a sacrifice to be made. However, one thing's for sure, and that would be that this blog will not be deleted nor destroyed.

Another would be that I'm still caught up with investiture and stuff. There's currently quite alot of things to settle now and then in the council. The investiture is coming right up next week, and I'm sure we're in tip-top form to produce a wonderful time. Another would be the allocation of morning duties to the council. Well, it's quite a job to just allocate your peers and that's where they are going to stay for the next year. Let's just hope I don't screw this one up.

Not again, though.

Well, I must say that as the time goes by, my workload had really increased tremendously. My tests are returning with okay, but nevertheless, disappointing results. I flunk both my maths tests, though I had a major improvement from the first to the second. My physics deproved from a B to a D, though I just needed one more mark to pass. I'm still maintaining my chemistry grades, and can't be bothered about my chinese anymore. My economics are reflecting my secondary school's social studies records which are way past the mark called "still got hope".

Am I just lazy? Or is it really because of council?

I've just set a new timetable aside for myself, and will abide to it as strictly as possible. One thing I hate is doing tutorials, but my weird-er point is that I enjoy revision. I'm not too sure why. Could it be because there's no pushing time factor for revision? And due to that I can take a longer time to understand the topic? Or is it that tutorials are just plain crap to me? They don't seemed easy, but neither are they difficult to handle.

Am I really that lazy to think?

I'm losing focus now and then in JJ, and I don't want it to happen anymore. There's still lots more lined up for me, the common tests, leadership camp and promos. And it's hard to find a way to not screw up both, and harder to think is that screwing up either is just as bad. It's like hitting a dead end or something, and the key to getting out is discipline.

And I'm lacking it.

What is going to happen to me now? I'm not really as confident as in the past anymore. Well, you can't be confident now and say that you'll excell in every aspect when the truth is that you can't. Spirit of excellence, proactiveness, taking the initiative, being creative and being productive. I'm sure these are important. Classrooms aren't big enough for me. And I'm sure that I can do well in certain aspects, but I'll be pretty sure that I'll screw up some of my other areas in life as well.

I don't know what's that barrier now, but it has a numbing effect on me. I feel no pain, no joy, no fun, no laughter, no sadness, no touch, no nothing. I can't tell what is happening to me, because I really didn't know. But once I knew, I'd change for the better. All I need now, which is what I could not have more, is time. Time to think deeper and time to reason out some areas of my life. Would it be better to still like this, or would it be better if it changes, would it be better if it's emphasized, or would it be better if it's diminished.

My mind is like a hard disk now. I'm defragmenting it, and soon need to format and install a newer version. kSv1.01. Though it retains the same data as v1.00, the changes are yet to be announced.

Darn I'm crapping again, is this one of the things I need to throw out of the window?