193rd entry.

Well, there's nothing much to say now. Hoever, I decided to take some people's advice. I'm not retaking my Chinese O Levels already. I got to live with it. It's the consequence of me neglecting my mother tongue from Primary 3. Getting a B3 may not be my limit, and it's not that I'm scared of it, that I'm not retaking it.

There are several reasons, for that I do not have the time to retake my Chinese anymore. I've no time to recap the basics of each section, I've no time to recall the vocabulary in the book, nor regain my touch after a 2 month seperation from Chinese. I've got to face the truth, that I still have other subjects to worry about, it is due to the fact that my sciences are weak, achieving C6s, D7s and E8s are a far cry of what I'm expected to achieve. They are the complusory subjects, unlike Chinese, and that no matter what, one of them is going to be in my L1R5. I could use the time to concentrate on my sciences instead of trying out for a distinction in mother tongue, which I hadn't had in years. I need to assure myself a distinction in both of them, not counting one in geography and two in mathematics. My aims are clear. I need the time badly, to catch up with the other subjects.

To those would feel like retaking, I will not hinder what you all had already set your mind on. Just a word of caution, is that if your other subjects are weak, I suggest you leave your grades be, no matter how disappointed you are. Should you get a distinction in it, and the rest of your subjects are the B3s you wanted to stay away from, there's no point.

For my case, this is what I think I could get, for this O Levels, if I retake Chinese:

EL - A2
MT - A2
CH - C6
GE - A2
AM - A1
EM - A1
PH - B3
CM - B4
L1R5 : 11

While if I did not retake and use the time to concentrate on other subjects, I could get:

EL - A2
MT - B3
CH - C5
GE - A1
AM - A1
EM - A1
PH - A2
CM - B3
L1R5 : 10, or even better.

That's my confidence, not arrogance. If you think I can't achieve such scores, I believe that you should keep the comments inside yourself, and only release it if I really did not get as expected. For if I did, trust me, underestimating me has a consequence.

Where am I heading to? JC. Yet not sure which to go now. NJC seemed to be the popular spot for most Commonwealthians. Jurong Junior is another. Time will tell, which JC am I going to head for.

I shall suffer my own consequences, I shall take it all to myself. I shall not let others suffer in my position. I shall persevere, even if I can't take it anymore.

Another person, whom I've always took for granted, is Ms Phoon. She is the one teacher who had cared for each and every one of her students, and it is her who made me realise my biggest mistake in my entire life. I've disappointed her greatly, so much so that my heart tore, when I realise that dropping Chinese is the way I got to move, I do not know whether I'm making the right choice. Her actions and decision, which I've neglected, were for the good of all of us. Yet, my attitude, is what leads me to where I am now, a cliffhanger. I promised her an A1 during Adam Khoo's, and now I got to take back my words. Even if she was pleased with my results, I could not help but feel that I'm a disappointment. I wanted to be the student who she can talk about in the future years, about how I've achieved distinctions from failing time and time again, yet now I can't be the one. I had wished to show her an A1 or A2 for Teachers' Day, to make you proud. I can't. Nothing in the world, could buy the perfect present for you now, and nothing now, could repair the damage I caused when you tried to mend them. I'm so sorry, Ms Phoon, I've let you down.

Me. I found myself.