Numerous past mistakes. Numerous wrong decisions.

I spent much of my time on the bus ride to NJC and HCI reflecting on what I had done. I learnt from those times when I was too deeply emotionally attached, and from those times I learnt the essence towards living. I know, for a fact, that I had been a carefree guy in the past. After the incident, I turned over. I try to hide myself, be content with the faintest of achievements. I lost desire. I lost the desire for progress, the thirst for dominance, the hunger for improvements. I lost almost everything I held dear.

I sunked into a state of utmost disbelief. I took up all sorts of excuses to get away from school, I can't face it. I made myself worse. Now, looking back, I felt as though my life suspended on a thin string, about to snap anytime. I think back, though as much as I want to turn back time, I know nothing can be done without the errors of the past.

I reflected on the way I treated some of my friends, and how I had treated them as though they will always be there, taking them for granted. I had treated some of them like junk, as though they are insignificant. I am the insignificant one. Do not even take notice of me now.

I reflected on my broken promises and unfulfilled decisions. There are far to many. I can't cope with them. This is my flaw. I lived without thinking about the future in the past, and when I do think about the future now, I only could deem back to my past failures and hope that I would not make the same mistakes.

And I did.

On too many occasions, I did. I failed myself.